When children in a family are struggling, I often prefer to work with the whole family, or parents and the child, in order to understand and address patterns in the family that may make change difficult, and which may be frustrating for both parents and a child. 

Patterns, such as reciprocally disrespectful tone, defiance, yelling, nagging, whining, and other almost automatic responses to eachother can make family life uncomfortable. I work with children from birth to 18.

With younger children I address limit setting, help parents set clear boundaries, and discuss when ignoring a behavior may be the best intervention.   With infants and young children I support healthy attachment, reading of cues and address "ghosts in the nursery" or trauma or parent history that is interfering with remaining calm and caring.  I help parents understand what behavior is age appropriate, and support parents in engaging their little ones and making family life more fun for all. At times I may use video intervention therapy, if a family is open to that, to support families in slowing down and reflecting on interactive patterns.  Or I will identify patterns as they are occuring in the session and note responses.

With teens, I support the teen in becoming responsible, and then requesting the freedom that responsible behavior earns. We address issues of honesty, and I support more direct, more assertive requests both from the parents to the teen and from the teen to the parent. I support healthy negotiation, but do not hesitate to call foul when teens are "negotiating" or demanding a rationale, when what they really mean is "I don't like this and will irritate you, argue with you, disrespect you and wear you down if you insist on making me do this".

I support teens in learning to drive, managing their own homework, waking themselves up, and getting a job. 

I encourage parents to let them do all that, and to make some mistakes along the way.  Parents do need to set boundaries and limits when the teen is falling short. 

Sometimes it feels to parents as though frequent nagging and lecturing is the only way to get results.  I know I certainly did (or acted that way at times while feeling (with resentment) that it was the child's fault that I had to). Nagging (or even frequent gentle reminding) is not a limit. To a teen it is an annoyance, and relatively ineffective, as teens have an uncanny ability for selective listening. It sends the message that the teen cannot take care of business. 

I work with families to make reasonable agreements regarding chores, homework, curfew, substance use, social interaction, and family rituals, and then problem solve when implementation is challenging.  In nearly all my work I support family members in perspective taking, and reflecting on and being sincerely curious about the motivations, thoughts and feelings of others.